First of all, you are not alone. Did you know that nearly half of high school age youth in the US have had at least one drink in the last month? About one fourth have used marijuana. While alcohol is the most frequently abused substance among teenaged youth, national surveys indicate that by the age of 14, slightly more than one third of youth have used illicit drugs. Whether or not your teen is currently using alcohol or drugs, research indicates that it is the norm, so it is important to get informed and be prepared to support your child in making healthy choices.

So how can you tell if your child is using drugs or alcohol? Here are some beginning questions to help guide you in assessing whether or not your child is struggling with drugs and alcohol: 

1. Has your child had any recent changes in school performance and/or participation in activities? Are they still interested in things they typically enjoy?
2. How is your child getting along with others? Have they made changes in their groups of friends or the way in which they talk with peers? Is your child using code language or code words or acting secretly around you or other adults?
3. Is your child acting as though they are trying to hide something? Are they using excessive perfume or breath mints to cover smells? Are they using eye drops?
4. Has your child had any significant changes in their sleeping or energy cycles, such as sleeping all day or not sleeping at all or having increases in energy or talkativeness? 

If you answered yes to any of these questions or have other concerns about your child using, it is important to contact a professional for further assessment. Meanwhile, here are some strategies parents can use to help prevent their child from using. First, get clear on the rules. Talk to your child about the dangers of drugs and alcohol and let your child know that using drugs or alcohol is not ok. Establish limits and consequences for breaking the rules and follow through with them. Second, know where your child is and get to know their friends. Make sure that they are not unsupervised or have activities to do when they are unsupervised by adults. It helps to network with other parents so that you can all work together in keeping your teens safe. Make sure that your child stays engaged in hobbies they enjoy, such as sports or artistic activities. Give teens alternative activities to do on the weekends. Many communities have teen centers or community groups that provide drug and alcohol free activities for youth. Practice refusal skills with your children and make a plan with your child to use so they can save face if their friends or other youth are using around them. Start early. Research shows that teens who delay the onset of drinking and drug use have lower chances of abusing drugs or becoming addicted.

Here is how you start: find a few minutes a day for yourself. Sometimes that won’t be possible, but if you set the intention eventually you will find yourself having some time to think. Work-life integration, as I like to call it, is about finding MEANING in your life and how you invest your time. It’s about the quality of your life. That requires reflection and planning. So, with that in mind, here are a few questions that will help you evaluate where things are and begin to think about your next move, and if you need to make some changes.

1. Where in life do I find the most fulfillment?
2. What values, activities and ways of being in the world carry the most meaning for me?
3. What are the activities I am engaged in now that hold the least meaning for me?
4. What are three things I can do that would have the greatest impact on my well-being?
5. Who in my life will support me in making changes for my well-being?
6. Who do I need to talk to so that I can get support in making changes? Who do I need to say ‘no’ to so I can improve my quality of life?
7. Who do I know that seems fulfilled in their life? What strategies do they utilize to find fulfillment that might work for me?

Write down your answers in a journal so you can come back to them and re-evaluate over time. I know it isn’t easy, but it is a place to start and after all, YOU DESERVE IT!!!!!

If you are a parent, grandparent, foster parent, or even a teacher, you have likely experienced this type of scenario. But how can you tell if there is something really serious going on? I mean, it is normal for children to act moody sometimes right? If you are caring for a child that is experiencing behavioral or emotional difficulties it is important that you get professional help. While it is true that children can experience ups and downs as they navigate through the sometimes stormy waters of adolescence, I believe all children and families need some extra support from time to time. Here are a few questions to think about that can help you gauge whether your child is experiencing a typical phase of development or a more serious condition.

1. Is your child experiencing persistent, uncontrolled worries or having difficulty with nightmares, falling asleep or waking in the night?
2. Is your child having significant mood swings or tearing up more often than usual?
3. Is he/she having any changes in school performance or difficulties with friends?

Whether your child is just encountering a bump in the road of life or is struggling with a mental health condition, I am here with a life-preserver and a boat full of tools to help keep your child and family sailing smoothly. We can work on increasing your child’s self-esteem, improving your communication, friendship skills, stress reduction or healing from a trauma. Whatever it is, I am here to listen and creatively assist you and your child and family with any concerns and challenges you are having at this time.