Kitty Huffstutter, LCSW, PhD

Work-life balance, work-life fit, work-life integration, you have heard it all before. Whatever way you slice it, you always end up with the smallest sliver of the pie right? Wrong. At least not from this day forward. I am here to tell you that you can find more balance in your life. Funny thing is that balance may not be the best way to describe it. I mean seriously, there are times when balance just simply isn’t achievable. You have work, the kids, your partner, perhaps your aging parents, and YOU to take care of. That is a lot and there never seems to be enough hours in the day to do it all. Trust me, I get that. So, I am throwing out the idea that there is some way for you to conquer it all, find balance and live happily ever after. The nomenclature of ‘balance’ in the work-life field has really set us up for failure. So, let’s throw that one out ok and let’s start with something achievable. Phew! Insert deep breath here.

Here is how you start: find a few minutes a day for yourself. Sometimes that won’t be possible, but if you set the intention eventually you will find yourself having some time to think. Work-life integration, as I like to call it, is about finding MEANING in your life and how you invest your time. It’s about the quality of your life. That requires reflection and planning. So, with that in mind, here are a few questions that will help you evaluate where things are and begin to think about your next move, and if you need to make some changes.

1. Where in life do I find the most fulfillment?
2. What values, activities and ways of being in the world carry the most meaning for me?
3. What are the activities I am engaged in now that hold the least meaning for me?
4. What are three things I can do that would have the greatest impact on my well-being?
5. Who in my life will support me in making changes for my well-being?
6. Who do I need to talk to so that I can get support in making changes? Who do I need to say ‘no’ to so I can improve my quality of life?
7. Who do I know that seems fulfilled in their life? What strategies do they utilize to find fulfillment that might work for me?

Write down your answers in a journal so you can come back to them and re-evaluate over time. I know it isn’t easy, but it is a place to start and after all, YOU DESERVE IT!!!!!

Jamie, your 11 year old comes home from volleyball practice. You gently smile and ask her, “How was your day sweetie?” She just rolls her eyes at you and storms up the stairs to change her clothes. Concerned, you inquire more about how her day had been and she charges back, “Mom, you would NEVER understand. Just leave me alone!” Shocked, you reply in a stern voice “Jamie that’s enough.” You think to yourself, “That is unusual for Jamie. She has always been such a good kid. I wonder what is going on with her? We used to be able to talk about things. How can I get through to her?”

If you are a parent, grandparent, foster parent, or even a teacher, you have likely experienced this type of scenario. But how can you tell if there is something really serious going on? I mean, it is normal for children to act moody sometimes right? If you are caring for a child that is experiencing behavioral or emotional difficulties it is important that you get professional help. While it is true that children can experience ups and downs as they navigate through the sometimes stormy waters of adolescence, I believe all children and families need some extra support from time to time. Here are a few questions to think about that can help you gauge whether your child is experiencing a typical phase of development or a more serious condition.

1. Is your child experiencing persistent, uncontrolled worries or having difficulty with nightmares, falling asleep or waking in the night?
2. Is your child having significant mood swings or tearing up more often than usual?
3. Is he/she having any changes in school performance or difficulties with friends?

Whether your child is just encountering a bump in the road of life or is struggling with a mental health condition, I am here with a life-preserver and a boat full of tools to help keep your child and family sailing smoothly. We can work on increasing your child’s self-esteem, improving your communication, friendship skills, stress reduction or healing from a trauma. Whatever it is, I am here to listen and creatively assist you and your child and family with any concerns and challenges you are having at this time.